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The anxiety of ending a decade

If you face bouts of high functioning anxiety like I do, then the turning of a year comes with an overwhelming impulse to hide under a blanket fort until all the hype about "the end of the decade" passes. Did I accomplish everything I was supposed to? Am I running out of time? Change is the enemy - nobody move and maybe we can all hold on to the present for as long as possible.

Those who know something of my life's journey will find it funny that 26 moves, four countries and extraordinary circumstances later, I still find myself unprepared for whatever lies ahead. To me, the idea that anything worth having is within my own control has long been disproven by the command to surrender to a higher plan beyond my scope of imagination. It is not mine to take - it will be given to me when I am prepared to receive it.

And yet, I give my colour-coded calendar, to-do lists, sticky notes, and of course, social media the power to tell me that I have not done enough, earned enough, exercised enough, read enough, cared for others enough, self-cared enough, advocated enough - that I am not enough. 


I'd like to believe that my experience here is but a small part of a continuum whose ultimate desire is to return me to myself (things just got really metaphysical). This approach entails a sense of compassion, gratitude and generosity toward the past as a necessary foundation for bringing me closer to whomever I am destined to become. Whatever has or has not happened yet is all a part of the plan, so my reflection on that should be accompanied by a sense of awe and wonder at every miracle that fell into its exact place on the continuum to shape who I am today. (Yes, it's all a bit "out there", but so am I.)

There is no "end", only endless possibilities for self-discovery in this world and the next. Inshallah. 

So with that deep breath of relief, I wish you a Happy YOU Year because "New" would discredit all the glorious old that you carry forward as a learning, healing, nourishing part of the process. May you find joy and purpose in unpacking each year with a renewed sense of conviction in yourself and the grand design.